Maintenance person: No experience necessary.
Pirate Defense Minister: Min. 2 years experience of pirating or pirate defending. Filled
*Pirate wench: Responsible for reporting any covert pirate operations. Filled.
Coffee Gopher: Must be able to distinguish a cappuccino and latte. Filled.
Entertainment Director : Must have high school or college cheer leading experience to qualify and ability to make a mean batch of fruit punch. Filled.
Blog support/Non-union writer: Sorry folks, I can feel your pain but you still suck.
City Planner: Must be willing to be overpaid, under worked and not available in a crisis. Filled
Phone Clerk: Must be able to take large amounts of abuse in concentrated doses from all directions, be wrong (even when you are right) and laugh at any joke.
Research Analyst: Must be able to perform detailed fundamental analysis of high quality that will never be applied. Basically, a complete waste of time while you look for another job that is more senior. Filled.
Sub-prime savior: How do you survive the sub-prime debacle? Well, that's your job to navigate over the next 2.5 year.
European Ambassador: Preferably Dutch w/ several contacts in Amsterdam.
Critic aka The keepin it real guy: Must be able to consistently find people's most vulnerable issues and point them out in a most painful way. Filled.
Executive vice president in charge of production: Formally filled by Barney Rubble.
Crowd Control: Must be willing to attend all functions of Dork City, wave your arms while no one pays attention to you.Filled.
My 2 cents: Must be willing to throw in their 2 cents on a regular basis.
14 comments:
I am very interested in applying for the Pirate Defence Minister position. Where can i sent me resumaRRRR.
the city planner position has been filled. it will be removed from the listing shortly...
With my skill set, I would like to fill the roll of research analyst. I have made a career of completing extensive fundamental analysis that, in the end, adds absolutely no value. Faithfully submitted Douglas C Neidermeyer, Sergeant of Arms
dear sir, i suggest combining coffee gopher and ambassador. after all, amsterdam and coffee can have similar effects on people. and... i am your man. plz send your resume to me so i can decide if i will take this job
Dear anonymous,
I understand the connection that you are trying to make but an ambassador should never be getting any1 else coffee. Coffee gopher is an entry level position while ambassador is an elite position. Better hurry, I'm sure it'll fill fast.
Sign me up for the crowd control position. I have been told on more than one occasion that my 'get back' ability is unmatched. I only require enough of a budget to purchase one of those quiet please signs, most commonly found by my fellow crowd control peers at golf tournaments.
I would like to audition to be the cheerleader. I am a male, but I am straight. I was a cheerleader in highschool and I am strong. I can even lift other men. Please accept my resume. I have lots of pizzaz. my biceps are big, but i have small calves.
spirit fingers rock!
Im DEF the person for the entertainment director... all i have to say is:
"I'm a Beaver, you're a Beaver, we are Beavers all.
And when we get together, we do the Beaver call.
E to the U du dx,
E to the X dx.
Cosine, secant, tangent, sine, 3.14159.
Integral radical mu dv
Slipstick, sliderule, MIT.
Go Tech!"
yep.. i win, thought so ;)
april - you will have to be willing to do more than that to get the job.
Don't listen to him, I think you did a great job April. Anonymous is just cranky because he didnt "get it".
May I suggest a pirate wench? The pirate wench can serve as our undercover agent. The agent wench will report to us with all the shenanigans of those wretched pirates, and possibly even luring them into surrendering. Can I get an “A’hoy der” for all those in favor of a pirate wench?
A'hoy der. The job is YARRRRS!
A’hoy der!
there is no one better for the coffee gopher position than i am...i am well qualified as i know the differences between the coffees and have drank so many i could give blood and it would come out espresso...i expect notarity will come with the position?
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