May indecision, fear, sorrow and jealously be left in 2007. Have a Grrrrreat 2k8 that is filled with joy and hope. May it symbolize the start of new beginnings and of great things to come. I look forward to our great city realizing the true potential of the citizens that dwell in it.

Have your peeps call my peeps

I've been having several conversations with the person in my dome and we've come to the conclusion that someone definitely needs help "no we don't, you need help" up yours pal, you need help. I'm the mayor of Dork City, you're just a figment of my imagination. "Oh yeah, we'll whose typin now pal?" If you know anyone interested in speaking to this completely irrational thing, please contact the mayors office. "Come and get me!"

Merry Christmas vs Happy Holidays

Ok let the battle begin. I was shopping the other day in mall of Dork City when I happened to strike up a conversation with a gentleman visiting from a nearby town. He was purchasing ornaments for some of his customers that were very unique while I was crossing items off of my Christmas list. As I left, I proceeded to wish him a "Merry Christmas" to which he responded "Happy Holidays". I was somewhat perplexed by this. How can someone purchase something for Christmas, yet take issue with wishing someone it? Have we gotten that PC that we can't be ourselves anymore? As far as I'm concerned, Christians have dibs on this time of year. Yeah, ok Chunnakah has a legit beef but let's get real here, how many times do you see Jewish people in the work place take time off for other religious holidays? It's allot more than just Easter. I want to wish all a Merry Christmas whether you want me to or not. It is your choice to wish it back to me or just Happy Holidays.

The Alpha and Omega of Delta Gamma

All right, this may not be exactly what I'm referring to but I thought I'd give it the old college try. The phoenix known as volatility has once again risen from the ashes for an indefinite stay. All citizens of Dork city should welcome our old friend with open arms. There will be a "key to the city" ceremony at town hall in front of the old clock tower. I expect all employees to man their respective stations. The entertainment director should be working on a cheer as well.

Mean Reverting

How long do you wait for things to mean revert. At some point you just have to admit you are wrong or you are looking at the situation incorrectly. I've followed all the steps in "The Secret" correctly and yet I don't see things coming to me the way I'd prefer. I want mass appeal to Dork City, good health and fortune to all citizens. The universe is plentiful and all can reap the benefits.

Group Hug - maHELLO!

What has happened to our beloved city? We started off so well and have since dove into the abyss. I admit that it the mayor's office has not lived up to it's potential but we are doing everything to reconcile our faults. I've failed enough in life to know that I don't want our fair city to fail. We need a group hug and a path to destiny. Please help to make the dream come true.

Step right up!

Is it me or does oil feel like a rigged game? To this passerby, it sure seems like all the fat little pigs that took a once top tier US co. down have just switched to a new shop and are doing the same thing to oil as they did to California. Just another classic example of history repeating itself. There seems to be a blind eye and limited regulation of the sector while a few of the good ole boys siphon off their fill and then some. Blue skies!

Thanky G

There is nothing like stuffing you face with lots of carbohydrates and meat, then passing out to a good flick. Don't let the Turkey's get you down. I hope this Holiday season will bring many exciting fun filled days to our city along with a few witty comments.

This is why Bunsen burners are not used to make grilled cheese.

Missing Persons

Are there any citizens looking for a box of these? They are all short with different maturities. They were left on the footsteps of Town Hall with no note attached.

YARRR!!! There be Treasures in these waters.

Community Service

This Saturday we will be closing down Wingthrope avenue for a fund raiser to save the old clock tower. We encourage all citizens to do their part to make this event a success. The speed chess tournament participants must be registered by
9 am, no exceptions.

Your sine is my sign.

It has come to the attention of the mayor’s office that several citizens have taken advantage of certain liberties in my absence. While running around wild and integrating other people’s exponents seems enjoyable and safe on the outside, it has also caused several citizens to trip, fall and even land on their protractors. A sharp pencil can be as lethal as a hunting knife. We are but in few number and must preserve those that have survived.

Urban Planner

Evil forces threaten our way of life every day, pirates have been spotted in surrounding waters. They want to ruin yaaarrrr way of life. The regentrification of Dork City must continue. We will be conducting a survey, with the help of the City Planner to create a guideline book for our urban project. All suggestions welcome. This will be team effort and a true show of our strength and unity. Stay strong my brothers and sisters, our day will soon come.

Attention all citizens...

...rebel forces have invaded our city and I must report from a remote undisclosed site. Please be on the lookout for any snapadorkish looking persons carrying poisin salmon. We will not be declaring marshall law at this moment but please be careful.

Job listings

Maintenance person: No experience necessary.

Pirate Defense Minister: Min. 2 years experience of pirating or pirate defending. Filled
*Pirate wench: Responsible for reporting any covert pirate operations. Filled.

Coffee Gopher: Must be able to distinguish a cappuccino and latte. Filled.

Entertainment Director : Must have high school or college cheer leading experience to qualify and ability to make a mean batch of fruit punch. Filled.

Blog support/Non-union writer: Sorry folks, I can feel your pain but you still suck.

City Planner: Must be willing to be overpaid, under worked and not available in a crisis. Filled

Phone Clerk: Must be able to take large amounts of abuse in concentrated doses from all directions, be wrong (even when you are right) and laugh at any joke.

Research Analyst: Must be able to perform detailed fundamental analysis of high quality that will never be applied. Basically, a complete waste of time while you look for another job that is more senior. Filled.

Sub-prime savior: How do you survive the sub-prime debacle? Well, that's your job to navigate over the next 2.5 year.

European Ambassador: Preferably Dutch w/ several contacts in Amsterdam.

Critic aka The keepin it real guy: Must be able to consistently find people's most vulnerable issues and point them out in a most painful way. Filled.

Executive vice president in charge of production: Formally filled by Barney Rubble.

Crowd Control: Must be willing to attend all functions of Dork City, wave your arms while no one pays attention to you.Filled.

My 2 cents: Must be willing to throw in their 2 cents on a regular basis.

Public service announcement

http://www.archive.org/details/gd70-01-02.early-late.sbd.cotsman.18120.sbeok.shnf

For all citizen's attending this weeks festivities at Nokia times square, this is what 38 years does to you. Concerned parents should consider another w/e for taking the kiddies to the Lion King. Haight and Ashbury has taken control.

Welcome- The quest begins

I'd would like to welcome all people to become citizens of Dork City. I (your mayor) will do everything in my power to preserve our way of life.

Dork is a term of abuse favored by American youngsters, designating the target as quirky, awkward, eccentric, socially inept or simply of lower status. Similar epithets include nerd, geek, and the Australian colloquialism dag, which has the added feature of being seen as affable or amusing.
The term implies stupidity perhaps less often than it formerly did, and paradoxically can imply an unadmirable (bookish, academic) intelligence, much as "nerd" and "geek" do.

Although this the textbook defination of a Dork, I consider it a label of endearment. We are who we are and should be proud of our heritage.